Breaking free from old midlife and retirement templates
The idea that midlife is the start of decline isn’t just outdated—it’s actively harmful. It leads to self-directed ageism, where we shrink our ambitions, and stop learning new things.
For decades, we’ve all been following outdated life templates that shape how we think about ageing. These old scripts told our parents and grandparents that life followed a set track—education in your early years, working hard through your ‘prime,’ then stepping into retirement as if it were the official start of ‘old age’ and the beginning of a slow decline. But here’s the truth: those templates belong to another era, and clinging to them is making many of us act older than we actually are.
This week, I was speaking to rooms full of people approaching retirement, and you could see the lightbulbs going off. They nodded furiously, recognising that they’d been subconsciously holding themselves back because of these outdated assumptions.
So let’s crack this wide open. The idea that midlife is the start of decline isn’t just outdated—it’s actively harmful. It leads to self-directed ageism, where we shrink our ambitions, stop learning new things, and convince ourselves that certain opportunities are ‘for younger people.’ And the worst part? By believing it, we actually speed up the very decline we fear.
The new reality
Modern science, longer life expectancy, and shifting social norms have redefined what it means to be "middle-aged" or "older." If you’re in your 50s or even your 60s today, you’re likely to have decades of good health, career potential, and personal growth ahead of you—if you choose to embrace them.
Consider this: most people in their 50s today have a longer average life expectancy than a 40-year-old did in 1950. The idea that we’re “too old” for change, learning, or reinvention at this stage is simply outdated. Yet, many of us don’t realise we’re still running on an old, broken script about what midlife and beyond should look like.
Overcoming self-directed ageism
The first step to overcoming self-directed ageism is recognising it. Ask yourself:
Have I ever assumed I’m too old to start something new?
Have I invested in learning some new skills and knowledge lately? (It might be for a pursuit you’re keen to become better at or for your working life)
Do I hesitate to learn new skills because I think younger people will do it better?
The antidote? Intentional learning and action. People who continue learning, staying curious, and setting new challenges for themselves not only maintain their cognitive and physical abilities but actually enhance them as they age.
Rewire your approach
If you want to feel younger, stay sharper, and avoid falling into outdated thinking, you need to actively challenge those old narratives – noticing them when they pop into your head and knocking them out. Here’s a few ways you can try:
Promise yourself you’ll learn something new every year. Whether it’s a new language, a digital skill, or even a hobby that challenges your brain in different ways, the act of learning rewires your mindset.
Look for ways to expand your social circles beyond your age group. Intergenerational friendships and work collaborations keep you adaptable and engaged. They can make you feel vibrant, interesting and capable too.
Reframe your expectations. Instead of seeing midlife and retirement as a winding down period, start seeing it as the best bits of life—a phase where your experience, wisdom, and time freedom give you a unique advantage. (They do!)
Challenge your own biases about ageing. When you catch yourself thinking, I’m too old for that, stop and ask, Am I really? Or is this just an old belief I’ve absorbed?
Stay physically and mentally engaged. Exercise, brain training, and social activities aren’t just good for you—they’re essential for keeping you feeling younger.
You are not “old” just because a decades-old life template told you that you should be. The biggest risk to your vitality and potential isn’t ageing—it’s accepting an outdated mindset about what ageing looks like.
If you shift your thinking, challenge self-directed ageism, and actively build a life that prioritises learning, growth, and engagement, you might just find that your best years aren’t behind you—they’re still ahead.
We dodged a cyclone here in my home town a couple of weeks ago. The whole city ground to a halt for five days though — reminiscent of Covid times with no traffic on the roads and noone going to work. Thankfully it missed us.
And for those following along my 12-year-old pup is on the mend. It’s a long road back from paralysis though so he’s keeping me entertained as his nurse and carer.
Meanwhile, the Epic Retirement Course in Australia is rolling into Week 6 and it’s terrific. People are really engaged — and enjoying the learning and that makes me pleased for the ability to do this.
Our Winter Edition of the How to Have an Epic Retirement Flagship Course is now on sale — and kicks off on April 10. Not long now. It’s only for Aussies though. More info here if you’re keen. We’ve got 25% off earlybird bookings at the moment.
In the last few weeks I’ve been on the road within Australia speaking to audiences. I love to get out and amongst it. And the last edit of Prime Time is now underway — we’re down to checking commas and dotting “i”s now. I find it hard to re-read my own writing over and over though — a necessary evil of the writing process.
The international editions of How to Have an Epic Retirement are waiting on publishers now — so hold your breath — this industry isn’t particularly fast-moving but it is moving. And that’s news around here.
How have you been faring in the stockmarket volatility? Holding strong?
Always remember you can always email me at bec@epicretirement.net. I love it when you tip me off on things that I can help with or reply with insights.
Many thanks! Bec Wilson
Author, podcast host, columnist, retirement educator, and guest speaker
I could have written this. I have shared these exact feelings with friends almost word for word.
My husband’s family handed him a script..it was almost like a family curse. Living along side this baked in belief system is difficult and constraining for me.
My proximity to the mindset slows me down. I wish I could read the book.
This post struck a deep chord.
I’ve seen firsthand how internalized ageism can quietly shape decisions—shrinking not just what people do, but how they see themselves. The line about “self-directed ageism” was spot on. I’ve heard smart, vibrant people in their 50s and 60s say things like, “It’s too late for me to learn that,” or “That’s a young person’s game”—and you can almost hear the opportunity door creak shut in real time.
Personally, I’ve started reframing this next chapter as Act Two. Not a wind-down, but a reinvention. That shift alone changed my posture—literally. I’m standing taller, thinking bigger. You’re so right: longevity changes the whole blueprint.
Thank you for championing a new narrative around midlife and beyond. We need more voices like yours, especially when the old ones are still echoing so loudly.